Get A Job!
by D-man 523
Summary: Spongebob considers a new career after being yelled at by mister Krabs. Rated T forviolent swering, drugs/alchohal, and grossnes. The summary inside is wrong! I thought about making another story, and I accidentally published the intro on this.
1. Plumber

Spongebob sat in the kitchen in his house, in the fetal position, crying. He had just been yelled at by mister crabs. The old man was hard on him, and he didn't take it personally often. But this time was different. Squidward had played a prank on Mr. Krabs, and Spongebob was blamed. Gary asked him what happened.

* * *

FLASHBACK

* * *

It was Sunday, and squidward was "working". He was always worked on weekends, by that old dog Krabs. Squidward was in Mr. Krabs office. Mr. Krabs was out for awhile, probably kissing his money and rocking it to sleep. The old man had horrible OCD, but Spongebob still liked him. At least, usually. Mr. Krabs had been treating him like an idiot lately, and he wasn't liking it. He had been sulking lately, and muttered curses under his breath when Mr. Krabs came around. Anyways, Squidward was in Krabs' office, setting up a prank. He had filled up a bucket of water and put it on top of the door. He had also rigged another trap, a dollar on a string. It was right next to the door. When Mr. Krabs tried to get it, Squidward would lead him to his pranking doom. It was complete.

Mr. Krabs came in the Krusty Krab, unaware of the pranks awaiting him. He opened his office door, and a bucket of water fell on him! He cursed under his breath. Suddenly, he noticed a dollar. He bent down to pick it up, but it flew away from him. He chased it. A few minutes later, he was on the sidewalk of Conch St. He walked over to it, and realised his foot was caught in a rope! It tighjtened up, and a water melon fell on top of his head. "GOD FRIKN DAMN IT! WHAT THE FRIK!" Mr. Krabs shouted at the top of his lungs. Spongebob happened to be in the neighborhood. "YOU! WHY THE FRIKN HELCK DID YOU DO THIS TO ME! YOU RUINED MY DAMN DAY YOU LITTLE JERK!!!" Mr. Krabs roared at him. "What-what are you talking about?" Spongebob cringed in fear. "YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT! NOW GET THE HELL OUT OF MY SIGHT!" The poor Sponge ran off, sick to his stomach.

* * *

END FLASHBACK

* * *

Spongebob tod Gary. The nail comforted him and went back to watch it's soaps. Spongebob wept for awhile longer, and in 20 minutes his tears were gone. He sat at the table, preparing a rope to hang himself. He was extremely sick, physically and mentally. He got the rope hung and stood up on the chair.

All of a sudden, Sandy burst in the room and stopped him! "Oh you poor little critter..." She said and he fainted. She took him over to her treedome and nursed him back to help, secretly enjoying the time with him.

FOUR MONTHS LATER

It was spring, and Spongebob was sitting in therapy. Roughly 20 minutes later, he left and sat in Sandy's picnic table. She had been really nice the past few months. Well, she was always nice. Spongebob was considering possible new carreer options... A plumber...?

* * *

SPONGEBOB'S IMAGINATION

* * *

Spongebob was driving to a residental family's home, the Brindos. He arrived at the house and went inside. "So, what kinda problem do ya got's yerself here?" He asked Mr. Brindo. "Well, our toilet is cloogong up whenever we turn our sink on." Mr. Brindo told Spongebob. "I'll get on it." He said and bent down to the sink, his crack showing. The man went to wash off his eyeballs, screaming "My eyes!!!" Spongebob ignored him. After much plumbing and such, Spongebob was finished. He drove off in his plumber truck to his trailer.

* * *

"Ew." He said to himself.


	2. Bartender, architect, movie star

Spongebob was disgusted by the thought of being a plumber. It would definetely turn him into pure white trash.

* * *

Spongebob's imagination

* * *

He was a bartender. A man with red sunglasses walked up to the bar. "A martini please; shaken, not stirred." He said. "Are you James Bond?!" Spongebob asked the man exitedly. "No... I am..." Spongebob waited eagerly for the man to finish his sentance. "Harry Fickleson, F.B.I." He finally said.

"What are you here for?"

"I have heard rumors that you don't have a permit. And, you deal drugs."

"I would never do that!"  
Let's have a look in the back then." They walked into the back room. There was at least 60 pot plants in plastic bags in the room. Spongebob gasped.

"And I really don't see a permit!" The man put him in handcuffs and took Spongebob away. On the way out, he heard someone grumbling "Damn cop. Found my weed!"

* * *

He didn't like that either. It was too dangerous. He kept thinking:

* * *

Spongebob's imagination

* * *

There was a desk in the room, covered in blueprints, doodles, and letters. He was imagining himself as an architect. Spongebob was sitting at the desk, smoking, like, 10 ciggarettes. He was stressed about the new building project; It was a mansion. However, it needed to be done in less than 8 months. He hardly had enough money for supplies and workers! He had bankrupted himself. "RING!!!" He ansered the phone.

"Yyyyello?"

"Bobby! We need you to stwart thyat byuilding! If it iysyn't done in eight mwonths, my fami'y won't have an'where to live!" A woman witha Boston accent yelled at him.  
"Listen, I-"

"Now, you lyisten to me! Moi husban's comin ova there if you don't stwart soon! Gwot it?!" The women said and hung up on him. Spongebob sighed.

* * *

"No, not that..." Spongebob said to himself and sighed. "Maybe... A movie star...?"

* * *

Spongebob's imagination

* * *

He was just sitting in his house, when all of a sudden he noticed the paperazzi! "He's looking at us! Snap a picture and run Fred!" They pointed there cameras at him and ran off like punks. "FUKAS!!!" Spongebob yelled after them. Being a movie star wasn't as great as most people thought. He was constantly harrased by the papperazzi, and he hardly had free time! The next day, at the shooting for his new movie...

He was playing Superman, tights and all. Suddenly, one of the prop buildings fell onto him! "AAAAAAAAAAAAGGHHH!!!" He screamed. The producer called 911, but it was too late when ambulances arrived.

He had died. :_(

* * *

That was the worst job yet... Oh well.


	3. Cop, farm hand

__

Spngebob is back! Enjoy more angst-fild sorow!

* * *

Spongebob sat at Sandy's table and sighed. Just then, Sandy came out of her tree. "I baked ya'll some apple pie!" She shouted. "Thanks!" Spongebob thanked her. He was glad to have her around. "So, li'l critter. How 'bout some lemonade too?" She asked. "Yeah, that would be great!" "Alright! I'll be right back. Feel free to dig into those cookies- just don't eat 'em all!" "Dah, he he he heh! Thanks." He giggled. He grabbed a cookie- it was amazing! He ate another, and then another. He drifted off into a job fantasy: As a cop.

* * *

Spongebob's imagination

* * *

_"Hey Bob, we need you at 543 Shellard lane! It's a domestic disturbance_. Over." A voice on deputy Spongebob's radio shouted out. "Yes sir! Over and Out." He radioed back and drove his police boat to the address. There was a male & a female Flounder. "You need to stop smoking in the house! I'll teach you!" The male yelled at the female, presumably his wife. "I SAID I'LL TEACH YA!!!" Spongebob stepped over to a cop already on the scene. "So, what's the sitch?"

"Well, we got a call from the neigbors about screamin an yellin. Apparently, this guy's been beat'n his wife. Sicko... Anyways, I got cuffs in the back of my boat. I say we arrest 'im."

"Yeah, that guy sounds like a weirdo. I'll go grab the handcuffs."  
Spongebob was on his way to the other cop car when the male came outta the house, brandishing a shotgun.

"I'll teach you! All of you need a LESSON! Eh, he he he!" The phsycho yelled. He started shooting, and Spongebob was shot in the leg and spine 5 times.

* * *

"No, no, no, no no! None of these things will ever work out. *Sigh*" Sandy came out of the tree again, with lemonade. "Hey fella! Aren't we closer then 2 jackrabbits on a cold winter day with glue and putty between us?" "Ugh... Yeah, I guess so. What do you want to talk about?" Spongebob replied strangely. "Well, what's on your mind?" Sandy asked him. "Just thinkin' about a new job. Have any suggestions?" He replied. "Well sure! You could be a ranch hand!" "Hmmm..."

* * *

Spongebob's imagination

* * *

It was friday, and Spongebob was working(cleaning out cow pie, exactly.). It was 5 P.M., but he didn't know it from a clock, he knew it from where the sun was. Suddenly, a loud voice bellowed to him: "Hay! Robert! Suppers done, better git sum!" Spongebob's face lighted up: The farmers had chicken pot pie every friday, and apple pie if Spongebob had worked especially hard that week. He laid the bucket down and ran to the cottage. He only made 3$ a week, but he kept alive. Besides, the farmers made him dinner every night. Bob and Cathy were there names. Nice folk, nice folk.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The next day, Cathy had awoken to see a field of tipped cows(I guess it's not an urban myth), and Spongebob spent the whole day un-tipping them. They were restless the rest od the day. Poor spongebob. He never got a break in this job. Suddenly, one of the cows rammed him in the nuts and he screamed!!!

* * *

"Ouch." He said. "What?" Sandy asked. "Nothing. I don't really like the sounds of being a farm hand." "Oh. Well, I'm going to town for groceries. Have a nice day, 'cause the world is your oyster!" Sandy was right- He needed to think realisticly. He went on to become a baker at a local bakery, and nothing horrible happened.

***The End***


End file.
